Dear Friend:

As I've mentioned, I miss being your friend. I really miss having that unconditional trust in someone. This weekend I went to my 10 year class reunion and although there were very few people there, I was able to see my two best friends from high school. They were very important people to me during a very difficult time in my life. I struggled with depression throughout high school and despite the typical girl-drama that is expected of that period, these two girls meant the world to me. They were bridesmaids in my soon-after-high school wedding. Silly of me, but I thought I'd be good friends with them for a long time. I could see the three of us starting a band and singing together. As you can see, that didn't happen. For some reason I went to this reunion hoping that these people would feel like I did-- sad that we had lost touch and thrilled at the opportunity to pick up where things left off. I guess they kind of did. There were a few hugs and smiles and compliments, (mostly from me) and I think I had one thing right. Nothing really has changed. I still don't have much in common with them, I still idolize them, and I am still standing on the sidelines wishing I could be a part of their colorful, fun lives. 

As I left that reunion, hand in hand with my husband, next to my sister-in-law and her husband, I was so grateful for the life that God HAS given me. The person that He has made me, and the person He intends me to be. I am a wife, a mom, a sister, and a best friend. So many times over the past few months I have wanted to text you and laugh about something with you. I long for that trusting rapport we used to have. But sadly, I know I have got to let go of it all, I have to be thankful for what we used to have and for all the years that God wanted you in my life. I have to say that I am sorry for hurting you. My hurt and insecurity over who and what I have become gave me the claws to hit you where it hurt without a second thought. Jesus never said "kick em while they're down," he said, "Turn the other cheek," and "Love your enemies." If I can't turn the other cheek and love my best friend, even when she hurts me, how can I expect to be treasured as a true best friend?